


Teddy Bear

by letmeloveyou814



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 19:30:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12175212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeloveyou814/pseuds/letmeloveyou814
Summary: "Oh no, forgot me book of lyrics," Paul exclaimed once both boys were upstairs, "won't be a minute, get yourself comfortable, John," and left his room.John sat on the bed, unsure of what to do without Paul. Looking to his left, he saw something underneath the covers and, lifting the duvet, he found a small, dark brown teddy bear.As he was admiring the stuffed animal, Paul entered the room. “Got it, we should-” he froze, eyes widening and heart thumping in his chest. “What are- What are you doing with that, John?”





	Teddy Bear

**Author's Note:**

> This thingie is for [lemoncave](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lemoncave/pseuds/lemoncave). Your idea was awesome and got buried in my computer for ages until I finally decided to give it a go. You are also my beta so this thing completely belongs to you. Thank you so much for not only being the best friend anyone could ever ask for but also for putting up with me and my hundreds of unfinished stories.

As soon as Paul heard someone knocking on his front door, he left his guitar on the chair next to him and ran towards the entrance, desperately trying to get there before his father. When he opened the door, there stood his friend John, his usual teddy boy outfit, guitar across his back and Buddy Holly glasses. A thought suddenly occurred to Paul: his friend looked really good dressed like that, leaning against the side of the door, half-smile on his face and arms crossed.  
Shocked by this quite unexpected feeling, Paul cleared his throat, before greeting John, "Oi, mate! Come in, was just about to give you a ring, thought you were coming earlier." The younger boy stepped aside to let his friend into his house.  
"Sorry, luv, had some relatives coming over and Mimi made a fuss about it, dunno what she expected me to do, stay when I had already told you I was coming?" John huffed. Paul felt something warm settle in his chest at his friend's words. “Anyroad, let's go make some hits, shall we?" John asked, plastering a huge smile on his face.  
"Dinner's ready, the hits'll have to wait, Johnny boy."  
"Oh, okay then."

Did John sound disappointed? Paul didn't think much of it, instead just went to sit at the table, motioning for John to sit next to him.  
  
~~~~

~~******~~

  
"Can we go now, da? We've all finished eating now," Paul pleaded to his father, who gave him a stern look.  
"Only after you've done the dishes and left this place immaculate," Jim McCartney said, pulling his pipe out of his pocket and sitting down on his armchair in the living room, giving his back to the three boys sat at the table.  
Paul huffed in annoyance, looking at his younger brother Mike. "Well, let's go, help me out."  
"I'm not the one who needs permission to go upstairs," Mike shrugged, leaving his place on the table and heading to his room on the second floor.  
"Useless he is," Paul complained and started carrying the dishes towards the sink.  
"Leave him, he's just a kid," John said, helping his friend clean up.  
As soon as they finished, they got their guitars and fled to Paul's room, eager to get their hands on their instruments and see how many new tunes they could come up with.  
"Oh no, forgot me book of lyrics," Paul exclaimed once both boys were upstairs, "won't be a minute, get yourself comfortable, John," and left his room.

John sat on the bed, unsure of what to do without Paul. Looking to his left, he saw something underneath the covers and, lifting the duvet, he found a small, dark brown teddy bear.

As he was admiring the stuffed animal, Paul entered the room. “Got it, we should-” he froze, eyes widening and heart thumping in his chest. “What are- What are you doing with that, John?” Paul was terrified, what would John think? How would he react? Would he laugh at him, deem him too childish to be his friend? Would this rip Paul of the biggest source of joy he had in his life, writing songs with his best mate?

“Just found it on your bed.” John was mesmerised by the toy in his hands. Something inside of him made him want to run his hands through Paul’s hair when he saw the bear. “What is it?” he asked.

Paul couldn’t believe it, why was John so calm? Why hadn’t he laughed at him already? “It’s- It’s just…” The younger boy realised he was shaking, he didn’t remember being this nervous for something not-school related ever in his life. “I just…” Paul bit his lip. “Promise you won’t laugh if I tell you?”

John lifted his head from the bear and looked at Paul straight in the eyes, realising Paul was even closer now than he had been just a few seconds ago “I promise.”

Paul nodded and proceeded to sit cross-legged on his bed, facing John. “Ok. Eh…” his eyes were looking at his hands on his lap, finding them more interesting than John. He didn’t know where to start.

“Go ahead, Paulie,” John said in a soft voice, placing a comforting hand on Paul’s knee, the contact making the younger boy’s heart skip a beat.

Paul looked at John’s eyes and found sincerity in them and something he couldn’t quite describe, and felt a bit more confidence, felt like he could trust John with his secret.

“It’s just… My mum gave me that bear.” Paul felt a lump forming in his throat, the memory of his mother still felt too painful, like a heavy weight on his heart that just couldn’t, wouldn’t subside. “It was a birthday present, she gave it to me when I was 3 I think.” John was now softly caressing his knee, giving Paul a sense of home that gave him the courage he needed to tell his story. “I used to sleep with it every single night until I was about 8 and thought I was too old for it. I didn’t pay much attention to it after that, just kept it in a box somewhere in the house.” Paul lifted his eyes and John gave him a nudge, urging him to continue. “And then, when my mother- When she…” Paul started sobbing, unable to control his sadness, his anger, his hopelessness, every emotion he hadn’t really known until he didn’t have his mum around anymore. Now, those feelings followed him anywhere he went, like a dark cloud hovering over his head and, no matter what he did, no matter how much time had passed, they couldn’t go away.

“It’s ok, Paulie, it’s ok,” John said, his voice shaking a bit.

“You must think I’m an idiot for crying like this,” Paul laughed half-heartedly, wiping his tears with the back of his sleeve.

“No, I don’t.” John almost felt offended. “You know I don’t. You know I know what you mean.”

Paul’s eyes shot up at his friend’s words. John wasn’t one to voice out his emotions and Paul always forgot that, indeed, if there was anyone aside from his brother who really understood what he meant, it was definitely John. Even though Paul’s mum had been gone for longer than John’s, he seemed to always be talking about her and what her loss meant. John on the other hand never talked about his mum and now Paul didn’t know why he forgot about it. Why he thought John wouldn’t understand.

“I know…” Paul started. “It’s just… I don’t know.” Paul felt embarrassed now. “Sorry”

“Don’t apologise, you idiot.” John gave a small smile, to show his friend there wasn’t anything to worry about. “Well, go on, finish the story, son.” John didn’t want to push Paul but he wanted to know about the stuffed animal he was still holding.

“Ok. Well…” calmer now, Paul tried to finish “When she…” he cleared his throat “Well, you know… I couldn’t sleep for days. I tried everything, absolutely everything but I just couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or two each day.”

“You must have been quite the sight,” John said but it suddenly occurred to him that there was no way Paul could ever look bad.

“Yeah, I wasn’t exactly nice to look at.” Paul laughed, silently thanking his friend for lightening the mood, even if just for a little while. “And then,” he continued, “I found the bear somewhere, I can’t remember now where it was, and I just tried sleeping with it, and it worked.” He gave his friend a toothy grin, one that made his dimples show and John couldn’t help but smile as well. “It just reminds me of my mum. When I hold the teddy bear in my arms, it’s like I feel my mum’s hands running through my hair and her singing lullabies that she used to sing whenever I had a bad dream. I can’t sleep a wink without it.” And with that he gently took the stuffed animal from John’s hand, looking at it with a fond smile on his face.

The two friends remained like that for a minute, Paul lost in thought, memories of his mum flooding his brain; and John looking at the younger boy, trying to figure out why he felt as if something had changed between them and hoping, praying, dreading that his friend felt the same way, until a thought popped into his brain.

“Wait, we’ve slept in the same bed or room a thousand times, how did you sleep without your bear?” John questioned his friend.

“Who said I slept any of those nights?” Paul laughed humourlessly.

John felt his chest tighten. How had he never realised this? How bad of a friend was he that it never occurred to him that Paul didn’t sleep at all without his bear? John swallowed the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling the need to change the subject, to say anything to avoid the tears he was sure would come if he didn’t stop them.

“You mentioned something about some hits, luv?” was what he came up with.

Paul smiled, grateful for the change of topic. “Sure Johnny boy, let’s make some hits!”

 

~~******~~

 

"Paul," John whispered in the dark room "Paul, are you awake?" After just a moment, Paul turned around, facing John, who had also turned on his side.

"What do you want?" asked a tired looking Paul, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"It's just..." John started, aware of the shakiness in his voice. "Can I try something?"

John was terrified, he didn't know why he wanted to do this but it was like a warm current going through his body, a nice summer breeze that wanted to comfort the small boy lying next to him.

"What do you-" Paul stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening as John softly grabbed his teddy bear and put it on the floor next to the bed. "John, give me my bear back." Paul's voice didn't quite sound angry, more like a warning.

"Just relax, mate. It's ok," John assured him, cautiously getting closer to his friend.

 "John..." Paul started, nervous, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

"Shhh…" John kept getting closer, a small nervous giggle escaping his lips. What did he see in Paul today that was just different than any other day? Why did he suddenly want to be close to his younger friend and never let him go? A thousand thoughts went through John's mind at the same time, like leaves falling in a chilly Liverpool morning. And yet, even though his instinct told him to escape those thoughts, all he could do was get closer and closer, intertwining his and Paul's legs, bringing this lovely lad impossibly close, until they were a mess, limbs everywhere, noses centimetres apart and wide eyes glued to the other's.

They stayed like that for what felt like years, just looking at each other, both trying to figure out why this didn't feel weird when it absolutely should. Instead, it felt completely natural. It felt like they were always supposed to be this close, like they were always supposed to be connected in this way, not sure where one began and the other ended.

Paul felt calmer than he had ever done since his mother died. He felt his chest light up in bursts of colour and felt tears forming in his eyes. John felt more terrified than he had ever felt since his mother died. How he saw the small tear going down Paul's cheek without his glasses and in the dark, he never knew, but he swiped it away with the pad of his thumb and left his hand on Paul's face afterwards.

"Why are you crying, you daft sod?" John tried to lighten the mood like he always did, while inside he was terrified he would screw this up, like he always was.

"It's just..." Paul tried, burying his head in the crook of John's neck for a moment. "I feel so much peace right now," and as soon as he looked at John again, he started crying, letting strangled sobs out.

" S'okay Paulie, shhh," John tried comforting him, running his hands through his head and, how was that even possible?, bringing him even closer to his chest. "Just try to sleep, dear. I'll be your teddy bear tonight."

 

~~******~~

 

When Paul woke up the next morning, he felt his chest lighter than he had in years and he was well aware of the reason. The first thing he noticed was that John was lying on his back and he was holding him tightly, still asleep. Paul’s head was on John’s chest, and he could feel his friend’s heartbeat, like a drum, thump-thump, thump-thump, and it made Paul feel so happy, realising he hadn’t slept so well in ages.

There were many reasons why waking up like this, in the arms of your best friend should feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or even disgusting and yet Paul felt better than ever. He felt as if this was normal, natural, like every moment that he and John shared lead to this exact morning. And Paul felt like he could fly, he felt like a thousand colours on a painter’s canvas: warm, happy, relaxed, free. He thought he could be like this forever, like everything would be ok in the world as long as he was impossibly close to John.

He felt the boy next to him shift and Paul suddenly felt terrified. John stretched a bit, still with his arm around Paul’s waist and his hand on the other boy’s arm, starting to gently caress it.

“Morning” John greeted in a raspy voice, keeping his eyes closed.

Paul released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, relief flooding through him at John’s attitude.

“Good morning, John.” He smiled sleepily, scooting up so that he could look at John in the face.

“Sleep well, darling?” John asked, opening his eyes and smiling, Paul realised he could never get tired of John’s smile.

“Better than ever.”

“Good.”

“John.”

“Mmhm.”

“Could I…” Paul started, unsure. “Could _I_ try something now?”

“Sure, luv.” John answered, his eyes fixed on Paul’s.

 Paul slowly leaned in, breathing heavily, and, as he gently put his hand on the side of John’s face, he connected their lips. It was shy at first, neither of the two sure of what to do until John put both hands on Paul’s neck, deepening the kiss.

After what felt like an eternity, they parted, breathing a little heavier than before, and, putting their foreheads together, started laughing.


End file.
